Dysfunctional Me

After last night, I thought, I must find a support group, talking to others with similar upbringings will surely help me! Instead of a support group, I decided to talk on here. I was raised in a totally dysfunctional family.  of course, I didn’t know it was dysfunctional as I grew up. Yes, there were many times things would happen I knew were wrong and not like other families but in a whole I thought I had a good family. I was the kid who wanted to die and tried to kill herself around the age of 12 with pills. I could go into the sexual abuse by my older brother, my emotionally distant mother, the belittling my mother did telling me i was weak, sickly and stupid, the manipulation she put me through even into adulthood, but I have tried to heal from all that.

 

Now I’m an adult and am in my fifties, living only a few blocks from my mother who is now in her seventies. from the outside, she looks to be a nice old woman but on the inside and behind your back she is mean, manipulating and a con. My brother lives next door to her and is an emotionally crippled man in his late 50’s who is also an alcoholic. He has not worked in 15 years and sucks off my mother which she totally wants him to. At one point in his life he was married and moved away but my mother cried constantly wanting him to move back and he did after his wife died.

 

Am I messed up? absolutely! But I have healed and am healing more each day. I stay away from my mom and brother only seeing them if they come here to my house, which happened last night. For some reason my mom thought it was a good idea to bring my brother over with her while he was drunk. It was a short stay but enough to have broken me out in hives later that night and upset my whole being. He just makes me physically ill being around him and my mom.

 

Now a little more about my mother. she began to manipulate me into getting married when I was 14, at 16 her manipulation worked. I won’t go into detail of my marriages now but will later. The best things that came from them are my children who are adults now and doing great. My mother was never there for me even when she knew I was being abused. she even told me I could not come home knowing I was being abused, but I really could not expect any more from her knowing what kind of person she is. She never protected me and lied, lied, and lied more her whole life. I suppose the proper word for it would be two faced. I think the only thing that saved me was staying away from her for 30 years.

 

Skipping many years… Now my mom is worse than ever. I’m not sure if it’s because of her age but she has gotten so much meaner, manipulates more and has become the queen of lies so much so I am moving out of state to get away from her and not telling her where I am.

Words

It happened again, but this time my mom id saying i stole jewelry from her. Im just sick to my stomach about this situation with my mom. The fact is my mom took her jewelry and sold it at a local jewelry store.  My next syep is to go to the stire and retrieve a list of items she sold. It’s sad i even need to do this, but to protect myself from her lies i do.

I’ve been discussing this horrible situation with my adult kids, which has helped a lot. They know how their grandmother is and know how to calm me.

My mother has never been a stable persin and even use to call herself “the pretender “. I really never thought anything about it until last night and looked it up online.

pretender

[pri-ten-der]

noun

a person who pretends, especially for a dishonest purpose.

an aspirant or claimant (often followed by to):

a pretender to the throne.

Definition of pretender (continued)

a person who makes unjustified or false claims, statements, etc., as about personal status, abilities, intentions, or the like:

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/pretender

After reading this im like yep that’s her!

More latet

 

 

Poor mom

#dementia #frustrated #badmom #depression #elderly #Brickwall #heyIwillEditTomorrow

Like I’ve said before my mom has always made up lies but now that she’s in her later 70’s, and has taken a turn for the worse. Today once again she dropped by my house, i thought for a visit. It was quite the opposite! This “sweet” woman became a raging manic, cursing, lying and once again accusing me of stealing furniture from her.

In totally shock and in disbelief i just started crying (i have no clue why her behavior surprised me). She proceeded to tell me she will never talk to me again (I’m leaving out her curse words) and she left.

Not 5 minutes after she left i got a phone call from mom. I’m shaking now because this situation truly sucked! I answered the phone and she proceeded to scream at me. I actually hung up on her.  I had to! She called again and was a TOTALLY different person! Sweet, kind and wanting to come back over. I reluctantly agreed. We sat on the front porch and to her nothing had happened. —– now let me just run my head into a brick wall! Wow! I’m here, totally drained from my mothers fit of rage and not 20 minutes later she’s wandering why I’m crying and upset!

More later 😱

2 Timothy 1:8-10

8Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God, 9who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity, 10but now has been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel,

March 19, 2015 operant

lewis3sunz



‘The man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence indeed is the Lord, is blessed. He will be like a tree planted by water: it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn’t fear when heat comes, and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit.’ (Jeremiah‬ ‭17‬:‭7-8‬ HCSB)

Hello, ConfidentOne,
I was only 16 when Dale and I were riding a motorcycle down a country road and he took me to a shady creek and said, “I’m going to live out here someday.” Fourteen years later God led us to make it happen.
Like those trees on the creek, our Creator has led through drought and rainy seasons, and seasons full of leaves.
It is a privilege to partner with the Most High, to speak into your future with mind made up, and your day’s work shared…

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Meditation

A Year Without Noise

A new habit I have implemented into my life is meditation. As I spoke about this in my post, “Focus”, meditation is a way for me to completely set aside all the noise of life and focus in on God. It helps me to shift from looking outwardly at the things going on around me and go to that place God truly dwells, within. In the first few days of meditation, I sat with my eyes closed, playing meditation music I found on YouTube through my Dell Tablet. I had this idea in my mind of how meditation should look—sitting cross-legged on the floor (or in my case, a yoga mat), bare feet with one foot resting on the opposite thigh, my hands palms up resting on my knees, thumb and middle finger touching, back straight, breathing steadily in and out, emptying my mind of all thought, my focus centered at…

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Make Your Mind a House of Prayer

Great word so wanted to share

A Year Without Noise

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. –Philippians 4:6-7

God’s House of Prayer is not a building, but a mind turned toward Him. Whenever we think about God, submit to Him, thank Him, and speak with Him, we open up more room within our mind for him to occupy and give peace. Paul write’s this letter to the Philippians from prison: But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have…

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