Dysfunctional Me

After last night, I thought, I must find a support group, talking to others with similar upbringings will surely help me! Instead of a support group, I decided to talk on here. I was raised in a totally dysfunctional family.  of course, I didn’t know it was dysfunctional as I grew up. Yes, there were many times things would happen I knew were wrong and not like other families but in a whole I thought I had a good family. I was the kid who wanted to die and tried to kill herself around the age of 12 with pills. I could go into the sexual abuse by my older brother, my emotionally distant mother, the belittling my mother did telling me i was weak, sickly and stupid, the manipulation she put me through even into adulthood, but I have tried to heal from all that.


Now I’m an adult and am in my fifties, living only a few blocks from my mother who is now in her seventies. from the outside, she looks to be a nice old woman but on the inside and behind your back she is mean, manipulating and a con. My brother lives next door to her and is an emotionally crippled man in his late 50’s who is also an alcoholic. He has not worked in 15 years and sucks off my mother which she totally wants him to. At one point in his life he was married and moved away but my mother cried constantly wanting him to move back and he did after his wife died.


Am I messed up? absolutely! But I have healed and am healing more each day. I stay away from my mom and brother only seeing them if they come here to my house, which happened last night. For some reason my mom thought it was a good idea to bring my brother over with her while he was drunk. It was a short stay but enough to have broken me out in hives later that night and upset my whole being. He just makes me physically ill being around him and my mom.


Now a little more about my mother. she began to manipulate me into getting married when I was 14, at 16 her manipulation worked. I won’t go into detail of my marriages now but will later. The best things that came from them are my children who are adults now and doing great. My mother was never there for me even when she knew I was being abused. she even told me I could not come home knowing I was being abused, but I really could not expect any more from her knowing what kind of person she is. She never protected me and lied, lied, and lied more her whole life. I suppose the proper word for it would be two faced. I think the only thing that saved me was staying away from her for 30 years.


Skipping many years… Now my mom is worse than ever. I’m not sure if it’s because of her age but she has gotten so much meaner, manipulates more and has become the queen of lies so much so I am moving out of state to get away from her and not telling her where I am.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s